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The "It's" Man appeared in the following Monty Python's Flying Circus' episodes from series 1

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The sea, a man emerges from under the water at the beach of Bournemouth. It's The "It's" Man. This ragged man is struggling his way to shore, we hear him gasping for breath and coughing. Slowly and with difficulty - he falls a couple of times and his arms are swinging - The "It's" Man makes his way up onto the beach as fast as he can. He clutches his chest, walks a couple of steps, drops down on his knees before he falls down and announces:
after some silliness...

The same seashore again, with The "It's" Man lying face down on the beach. A stick prods The "It's" Man twice. Exhausted, The "It's" Man rises and staggers back into the sea. A voice says, "And here is the final score: Pigs 9 -- British Bipeds 4. The Pigs go on to meet Vicki Carr in the final."
The "It's" Man appears on the top of a sand dune some way away. The "It's" Man looks in direction of the camera and runs towards it. The "It's" Man disappears on top of a closer dune and continues towards the camera, disappearing again into a dip.
This time while The "It's" Man is out of sight, the sound of him running is the sound of someone running along a prison corridor, followed by a big door opening and closing.
The "It's" Man appears again only two sand dunes away. Still running towards camera The "It's" Man disappears again from sight.
This time there is a loud metallic series of sounds followed by a pig squeling. The "It's" Man appears over the nearest dune and runs up to camera, sits down and announces:
after some silliness

The "It's" Man sits on the dune, he stands up and returns to where he came from, stopping twice to turn around and look towards the camera. A voice says, "And here is the result of the Epilogue: God exists by two falls to a submission."
The "It's" Man is walking fast through a forest towards the camera with his clothes tattered. The sound of birds is disturbed by a lion's roar. A couple of steps later, The "It's" Man falls and gets up again and continues walking towards the camera. He stands still in front of the camera and announces:
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man turns away from the camera but turns back again and makes a little bow with his head. He turns again and walks back into the forest. A lion's roar is heard again and he seems to be caught by the ravenous animal and is taken to the ground. After The "It's" Man gets up he waves towards the camera as asking for some help, but alas, the lion gets him. This repeats itself a couple of times. An arrow points to a tree and a voice says: "The Larch".
A cliff.
Suddenly The "It's" Man is thrown over it, landing on the shale beach beneath, hitting the side of the cliff once. Painfully he crawls towards the camera and announces:
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man, lying on the beach, is poked with a stick twice. The "It's" Man is startled, gets up and limps away towards the cliff. The "It's" Man reaches the top of the cliff and disappears.
As soon as The "It's" Man has disappeared we hear a voice: "Ah, got you my lad. Still Acting eh? Over you go!"
The "Its" Man reappears, getting hurled back over the cliff.
A river. A rowing-boat is coming towards the edge of the water. In it is The "It's" Man, when he is quite close to the edge he turns around and stands up.
He announces:
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man is sitting in his row-boat again and rows up the river while the credits roll.
In the foreground there is a telephone. In the very distant background we see The "It's" Man walking through an opening in the bushes.
The telephone starts to ring.
The "It's" Man returns to the clearing and runs towards the camera and the telephone (in a speed up way). The "It's" Man arrives at the telephone, picks up the receiver and is about to speak into the mouthpiece when he remembers the camera. The "It's" Man puts his hand over the mouthpiece and says to the camera: The "It's" Man returns to the receiver, puts it down and he walks away again.
after some silliness....

The phone rings again, the arm of The "It's" Man appears and after that the rest of him. He answers the phone.
A voice (*) says: "Hello hello, who are you? You're an out-of-work writer? Well, you're fired. Roll the credits."
The "It's" Man puts down the receiver and walks away from the phone, as the voice reads aloud part of the credits. When The "It's" Man is behind the trees, the phone rings again. The "It's" Man reappears and runs towards the phone.

(*) This voice belongs to Larry Saltzberg, a movie producer who turned his idea of a movie in the snow with a tree and a dog who piddles on it into a movie with Rock Hudson and Doris Day who kiss. A love story. Intercourse Italian style. David Hemmings as a hippy Gestapo officer. Frontal nudity. A family picture. A comedy. And then when Doris Day's kissed Rock Hudson she says something funny like "I can't take it anymore.", and then Rock Hudson says "I'm a very rich film producer and I need a lobotomy" and then Doris Dog says "I think you're very handsome and I'm going to take all my clothes off" and then Doris Dog turns into a yak and goes to the bathroom on David Lemming.
A long hilly scar of land; on either side trees. The track comes straight down from the horizon to the camera in the valley. At the top of the hill we hear running and heavy breathing.
The "It's" Man appears. The "It's" Man runs down the valley but disappears halfway. After a while he reappears out of the bushes and he proceeds his way towards the camera, but he fails to say the line.
The voice over is prompting: "It's ... It's ... It's."
The "It's" Man makes a gesture, thinking he is hearing tits, the voice over corrects him: "No ... no ... it's ... it's ... it's ..."
The "It's" Man gets it and finally says his piece:
We see The "It's" Man sitting in the countryside in a garden lounger chair. A sexy young lady in a bikini hands The "It's" Man a glass of wine and gently helps him up and walks him to the camera. Looking very pleased with himself The "It's" Man sips the wine as she caresses him. Then she hands The "It's" Man a smoking round anarchist's type bomb (with "BOMB" written on it). The "It's" Man realizes what it is only as he announces:
after some silliness....

The "It's" Man is still holding the bomb, which is starting to smoke. The young lady runs away. A voice says, "David Hemmings appeared by permission of the National Forestry Commision." The "It's" Man tries to wave away the smoke.

The credits of "Full Frontal Nudity" appear.

The bomb starts to make a ticking noise and The "It's" Man puts it next to his ear - he realizes that he has a bomb and runs off still carrying it. As the credits end it, and The "It's" Man with it, explode.
A forest.
From an explosion in the far distance The "It's" Man runs very rapidly up to the camera while dodging a couple of more explosions on the way. When The "It's" Man comes up to the camera he announces:
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man stands were he was before the silliness, when Spanish voices say "Look out, there are llamas!"
The "It's" Man turns around, but before he walks away he turns towards the camera again and waves. After that The "It's" Man walks into the forest again, turning around once in a while. One final explosion, alas The "It's" Man didn't dodge that one quick enough...
Boring old "It's" Man hanging on a meat-hook, first in line with some dead pigs as company.
after some silliness...

Two men detach The "It's" Man from his meat-hook and carry him off to the slaughterhouse. One of them comes out with what seems to be the remains of our hero... but just before the episode ends we see The "It's" Man coming out.
Film: The Amazing World of The "It's" Man.
The "It's" Man crosses a street, but traffic is hell. He is almost run over by a red car and after The "It's Man dodged that one, a white car (coming from the other direction) passes him very close. He is scared so much he goes back a bit and when he tries to cross the street again, another white car almost runs over him. The "It's" Man had to climb over the hood in order not to be road-kill. Just before he gets to the pavement another car (a red one) misses him by an inch. When me makes it to the camera he announces: A woman with a pram hits The "It's" Man and he falls to the ground.
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man is standing on the pavement where he was run over by a pram and is making some gestures before he turns around and crosses the street again. A voice says "Tell Lord Hill." There is no traffic but The "It's" Man is miming strong winds... When he walks on the pavement on the far side of the road a woman with a pram hits The "It's" Man and he dives into the bushes.
The sound of a pinball machine is heard while The "It's" Man is walking in a speed-up way from one tree to another (just like he was a pinball himself). He walks towards the camera and lies down on the grass. He announces:
after some silliness...

After a sixteen-ton weight falls on a presenter, The "It's" Man appears in a shot running away from the camera and there is again a pinball sequence.
Four undertakers are carrying a coffin while Chopin's Funeral March is playing. The lid opens and The "It's" Man looks out and announces:
after some silliness...

The "It's" Man is being pursued by the undertakers who are armed and are still carrying the coffin.

Continue with series 2

The "It's" Man's "lemon curry?" site is last updated on April 30th, 2004.