| VOICE |
Huo! |
| |
The sound of a whip |
| VOICE |
Hoo hoo hoo! Oh! |
| |
Clank - whump |
| BRIAN |
Eh. |
| |
Clank |
| JAILER |
Eh, heh heh ha. |
| |
The jailor spits |
| BRIAN |
Aah! Eh. |
| JAILER |
Eh, heh heh. |
| |
The jailor coughs |
| BEN |
You lucky bastard. |
| BRIAN |
Who's that? |
| BEN |
You lucky, lucky bastard. |
| BRIAN |
What? |
| BEN |
Proper little jailer's pet, aren't we? |
| BRIAN |
What do you mean? |
| BEN |
You must have slipped him a few shekels, eh? |
| BRIAN |
Slipped him a few shekels? You saw him spit in my face! |
| BEN |
Ohh! What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face!
I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face. |
| BRIAN |
Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it? They had me in manacles! |
| BEN |
Manacles! Ooh oooh oh oh. My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be
put in manacles... just for a few hours. They must think the sun shines
out o' your arse, sonny. |
| BRIAN |
Oh, lay off me. I've had a hard time! |
| BEN |
You've had a hard time?! I've been here five years! They only hung
me the right way up yesterday! So, don't you come 'rou-- |
| BRIAN |
All right. All right. |
| BEN |
They must think you're Lord God Almighty. |
| BRIAN |
What will they do to me? |
| BEN |
Oh, you'll probably get away with crucifixion. |
| BRIAN |
Crucifixion?! |
| BEN |
Yeah, first offence. |
| BRIAN |
Get away with crucifixion?! It's-- |
| BEN |
Best thing the Romans ever did for us. |
| BRIAN |
What?! |
| BEN |
Oh, yeah. If we didn't have crucifixion, this country would be in a
right bloody mess. |
| BRIAN |
Guards! |
| BEN |
Nail him up, I say! |
| BRIAN |
Guards! |
| BEN |
Nail some sense into him! |
| |
The jailer coughs |
| JAILOR |
What do you want? |
| BRIAN |
I want you to move me to another cell. |
| JAILOR |
Ha! |
| |
The jailer spits |
| BRIAN |
Aah! |
| BEN |
Oh, look at that! Bloody favouritism! |
| JAILER |
Shut up, you! |
| BEN |
Sorry! |
| JAILER |
Huhh. |
| |
The jailer coughs |
| BEN |
Now, take my case. They hung me up here five years ago. Every night,
they take me down for twenty minutes, then they hang me up again, which
I regard as very fair, in view of what I done, and, if nothing else,
it's taught me to respect the Romans, and it's taught me... that you'll
never get anywhere in this life, unless you're prepared to do a fair
day's work for a fair day's pay! |
| BRIAN |
Oh, shut up! |
| |
Clank |
| JAILER |
Ehhh. |
| CENTURION |
Pilate wants to see you! |
| BRIAN |
Me? |
| CENTURION |
Come on! |
| BRIAN |
Pilate? What does he want to see me for? |
| CENTURION |
I think he wants to know which way up you want to be crucified. |
| BEN |
Oh, ha ha ha haa! Ha haa! Nice one, Centurion. Like it. Like it. |
| CENTURION |
Shut up! |
| BEN |
Right. Right. Terrific race, the Romans. Terrific. |
After some silliness
When Brian is led to the crucifixion party,
they pass the jail where Ben is hanging upside down behind the window
|
| BEN |
You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards! |
